Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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