i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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