doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
