nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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