What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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