Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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