You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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