she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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