If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
