I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
