i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
