Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
