New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
