My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
