I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
