At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
