i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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