even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
