I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
