last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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