I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize