My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
