I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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