Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
