She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize