well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
