I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
