I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
