My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
