so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize