Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
