He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
