1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
