so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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