i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you didnt know i had herpes?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
