haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
