If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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