i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
