You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
