she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize