If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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