im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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