So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize