just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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