It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
