I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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