Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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