Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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