i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
