he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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