She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
