O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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