I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
