apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
