Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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