We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
