Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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