just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
