just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
