You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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