i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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