I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My penis needs a shock collar
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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