If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
