You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
