I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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