He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
