just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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